and a terrible guilt-laden thanksgiving
i’m question the value of my optimism,
my reasoning for getting up every single day and giving it all one more try.
what has gotten me to this point
was my fierce desire
to prove those around me wrong.
no, i’m not stupid. see my degree? see my summa cum laude?
no, i’m not ugly or fat. see how i can go for days without eating much at all.
no, i’m not a crazy mess. see how i’ve stopped writing, i’ve stopped letting the truth flow from my fingers. see how i’ve silenced myself and become a shell of something i once was…that everyone was ashamed of except for me.
am i looking for something i’ll never find?
will this be the story of my life?
i don’t think my heart can handle
disappointment after disappointment
year after year.
the people who make lyric videos on youtube are the backbone of this nation
Today I tried to tell myself it was going to get better but I woke up to my parents talking about me. According to them I am a nasty person who lives in a fantasy land and everyone in my family is ashamed of me.
i’m honestly feeling suicidal today.
please someone give me something to believe in.