i know it’s been forever since i’ve updated, an i just wanted to let everyone who continues to follow me (!!!) that i’m still alive and fighting. i appreciate the messages that you have sent me, even if some days i lacked the strength to respond. i have not forgotten you or your kindness.
here’s an attempt at an update.
and i don’t know if i like it. i worked from 6pm until midnight. it was quite nonstop and VERY physical. it was exhausting.
lately i’ve been having what i like to think of as “wired sleeps.” even though i’m physically exhausted, i can’t sleep because my mind is racing. sometimes i can’t remember the night or what i’m even thinking about, but i know i wasn’t really sleeping because a) i’m not rested b) i can remember the constant nag of anxiety all through the night.
this type of sleep makes me anxious about how i’ll perform at work, which just makes the anxiety even worse.
sometimes i feel so dumb.
if i do nothing all day, i feel depressed.
if i try to do something at all, i get overwhelmed and anxious.
i got the job at trader joes! i start on saturday and i’m scared af.
also i’m trying to get an internship at fiaf (alliance francaise) as well and may have to schedule an interview for next week but idk what my trader joes schedule is going to be like.
i want to do everything but there is not enough time.
funny how when i was unemployed i did nothing 95% of the same instead of pursuing any of my side projects.
u know whats fuckin hardcore
people on this site who don’t speak english as a first language but blog in english anyways
AGREED. i really wish there was a way to do the same (i.e. i would looooooove it if there was a site like tumblr but all in french/had mostly french users).
anonymous or otherwise, i’d love to hear your resolutions for 2014 (if you have any)!
I keep giving in a bad rep because of how shitty I’ve been feeling lately; however, I must acknowledge the wonderful things that did happen and not take them for granted.
here’s looking at you 2014. i have some big plans for you, so be prepared!
i’m not really on this diet to drop any weight per se, but i’d just like to take control of some of my cravings and binging impulses. carbs really are a huge problem for me, and fat has scared me for a long time. not sure if i like all this yet but i figure why not.
also i’m not sure if eating fat REALLY makes me nauseous or if it is just the disordered thinking i’ve had for so long…
also i got an interview at trader joes go me.